there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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