Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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