apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
