He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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