I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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