I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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