Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
