apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize