I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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