Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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