I skipped work to stalk him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
