i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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