Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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