you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
