I wanna passion pit in your ass
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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