He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
