My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
