5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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