hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
