Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
