I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
