You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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