i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
