I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
