i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
