Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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