I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
