I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
