first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My day in three words: secret purse cake
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
