he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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