i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
