My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
