between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
