You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
