Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
