I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
