The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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