I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
