Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
