jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
