Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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