Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
