Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize