i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you would pick up someone in the library
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
