i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
