whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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