then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
