She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
