All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
