She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
