I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
