I think my vagina is haunted
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
