I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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