so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
