speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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