After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
