No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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