turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
