Just fell off a train. Bad.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
