i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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