It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
