if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
